The summer of 2008 was when I had to stop working. Up until that point, it seems like life had always been full speed ahead. You know…Supermom with the cape and all 😉 My husband and I felt it was important for me to be home for our children until they would attend full days of school. This has always been what was/is right for our family, and I have no regrets in that regard. In order to achieve this, I was at home with the children all day, and then zipped out to work 4 evenings a week, and then rolled back in around 1am. Get up at 7am and repeat the process. The last year, I was also working Sundays. So, there really wasn’t much time or energy to even notice the little things. At that time, I took care of mostly all the household duties, finances, appointments, anything child related…etc., because I was home during the day, and most importantly, I was fully capable at the time.
Two years ago is when I lost my super powers 😉 , although I was in complete denial. So, I continued full speed ahead until I hit a brick wall June 2008. Realization kicked in that I would be needing to stop work, when I could no longer get out of bed. Perhaps my doctor was right by warning me months prior, that it was time to give up my job 😉
It has taken me a long time, to accept my situation and to overcome the feelings of guilt that are associated with not being able to do most of the things I used to, for my family. In all honesty, I’m still not quite there, but I’ve come a long way. I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely at peace with it, but the world around me has certainly gotten brighter! It was unimaginable to me that I could have to live with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, let alone all the other symptoms AND be happy. It is possible 🙂 I allow myself "meltdowns", when they are needed, and then it’s time to keep moving 😉
One of the best things that resulted from this nasty beast, is that I have been forced to slow down, and often stop completely. The smallest things thrill me. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Not because I’ve ever had a near death experience or anything like that 😉 It is simply because now I am forced to take the time and to notice things I was much too busy to notice before. I am delighted by the little things.
I cherish my good days, because they are so infrequent lately, and the rest of the days I take comfort in the little things 😉