Anxiety started kicking in before I could even figure out why. It’s like my body knows what it’s in for, before the logical part of my brain figures it out. My body remembers and is starting to pull the alarms.
Later this afternoon, I started to feel like I was coming down with a cold or something. You know, the very first sign that you are likely
to wake up in the morning with a nasty cold? Big deal, I’ll take some
of my Anti-Viral stuff that works magic, and will kick that virus to
the curb before it can even think about invading. Don’t laugh! That
stuff really does work! It is liquid GOLD to me 😛
Over the course of the last several hours since, I now have deep aches throughout my entire body and nasty nerve pain which has gotten worse, as the day has gone on. My skin hurts just from the light breeze my ceiling fan was creating. For a split second, I thought how it would really suck to be getting the flu, and that is when the light bulb came on, and I tried not to panic. This is almost always a tell-tale sign of a bad flare, yet to hit. The “red flags”, if you will.
“A fibromyalgia flare is like knowing a violent storm is heading straight for you, but you are not allowed to take shelter or head to safer grounds. You are forced to stand there and take the beating.” ~ Nancy @ Chronic Connection
I think that would make almost anyone a little anxious, to say the least. Especially when you’ve been down this road SO many times. What adds to the anxiety, is not knowing how hard it will hit, or how long it will last. An average day for me is a higher than “manageable” pain level. As odd as it may sound to some, it is what I’ve become used to, and for the most part, I can keep a grip. When I start to get anxious, it’s the over the top intense pain, that literally makes you hold your breath and curl your toes, and beg for it to end. Yeah, that’s the pain that makes me panic. I rarely have “low pain” days, and I NEVER have “no pain” days. I can’t remember what that feels like…to not have constant pain. I wish I could see how many people are nodding their heads right now, because I know that I’m not alone…talk about a double edge sword.
We take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, yet I personally
also feel guilty (and maybe you do too), for taking comfort in knowing that I am not alone, and that I have so many friends in the chronic pain community that I can turn to for support. Nobody should have to live with this magnitude of pain…day in, day out. But, you know what? It is, what it is, and at least I’m in good company! 😉 In all honestly, I have met some of the most amazing people ever, because of the paths our chronic illnesses have led us down.
If I woke up pain-free one morning, I think I’d pinch myself, just to
make sure that I didn’t die and go to Heaven!
Since starting this post earlier, anxiety has turned to panic a couple of times, and I’ve had to stop writing. Thanks God for anti-anxiety medication! It’s the only thing that can help me get a grip when I get too freaked out.
Pain is still climbing, and I’m going to get in a hot tub until my night-time meds kick in. I will be praying for a “get out of flair free” card. Just this one time!
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This post belongs to Nancy at Chronic Connection. Thank you for being part of my journey of living with Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome