The “Not So” Calm Before The Storm

Image by Nancy @ Chronic Connection

Anxiety started kicking in before I could even figure out why. It’s like my body knows what it’s in for, before the logical part of my brain figures it out.  My body remembers and is starting to pull the alarms.

Later this afternoon, I started to feel like I was coming down with a cold or something. You know, the very first sign that you are likely
to wake up in the morning with a nasty cold?  Big deal, I’ll take some
of my Anti-Viral stuff that works magic, and will kick that virus to
the curb before it can even think about invading. Don’t laugh!  That
stuff really does work!  It is liquid GOLD to me 😛

Over the course of the last several hours since, I now have deep aches throughout my entire body and nasty nerve pain which has gotten worse, as the day has gone on.  My skin hurts just from the light breeze my ceiling fan was creating.  For a split second, I thought how it would really suck to be getting the flu, and that is when the light bulb came on, and I tried not to panic.  This is almost always a tell-tale sign of a bad flare, yet to hit.  The “red flags”, if you will.

“A fibromyalgia flare is like knowing a violent storm is heading straight for you, but you are not allowed to take shelter or head to safer grounds. You are forced to stand there and take the beating.” ~ Nancy @ Chronic Connection

I think that would make almost anyone a little anxious, to say the least. Especially when you’ve been down this road SO many times. What adds to the anxiety, is not knowing how hard it will hit, or how long it will last.  An average day for me is a higher than “manageable” pain level.  As odd as it may sound to some, it is what I’ve become used to, and for the most part, I can keep a grip. When I start to get anxious, it’s the over the top intense pain, that literally makes you hold your breath and curl your toes, and beg for it to end.  Yeah, that’s the pain that makes me panic.  I rarely have “low pain” days, and I NEVER have “no pain” days. I can’t remember what that feels like…to not have constant pain.  I wish I could see how many people are nodding their heads right now, because I know that I’m not alone…talk about a double edge sword.

We take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, yet I personally

also feel guilty (and maybe you do too), for taking comfort in knowing that I am not alone, and that I have so many friends in the chronic pain community that I can turn to for support.  Nobody should have to live with this magnitude of pain…day in, day out. But, you know what?  It is, what it is, and at least I’m in good company! 😉  In all honestly, I have met some of the most amazing people ever, because of the paths our chronic illnesses have led us down.

If I woke up pain-free one morning, I think I’d pinch myself, just to

make sure that I didn’t die and go to Heaven!

********************

Since starting this post earlier, anxiety has turned to panic a couple of times, and I’ve had to stop writing.  Thanks God for anti-anxiety medication!  It’s the only thing that can help me get a grip when I get too freaked out.

Pain is still climbing, and I’m going to get in a hot tub until my night-time meds kick in.  I will be praying for a “get out of flair free” card.  Just this one time!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN AT HTTP://CHRONICCONNECTION.WORDPRESS.COM, THIS POST HAS BEEN STOLEN

This post belongs to Nancy at Chronic Connection. Thank you for being part of my journey of living with Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

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6 Responses to The “Not So” Calm Before The Storm

  1. Selena says:

    I saw in your “About Me” that you have dysautonomia. So I wonder … is it panic/anxiety or symptoms of dysautonomia? I know from my experiences that dysautonomia feels a lot like anxiety…

    And OMG! You have to tell me what your anti-viral stuff is and where I can get it. Please!

    • Nancy says:

      Hi Selena 🙂

      The dysautonomia settled down after I weaned off of one of my medication. So, we believe that the med was causing me all those issues.

      I tend to panic when I feel that my pain is climbing way above what I can handle because I know how hard it will impact me, and it makes it next to impossible to care for my two young children when my pain is so intense.

      The Anti-Viral stuff I take, is made by Natural Factors, which is make in Canada. You might be able to order it online, but I’m not quiet sure 😉

  2. Dominique says:

    I can actually say that I have had pain free days since I started the Phenocane. Most of my days now hover around 3-4 with my average being 5-6. I can handle it until I get to 8 then I start struggling. 9-10 send me over the cliff. Fortunately, since starting the Phenocane, I don’t visit the 9-10 level but 1 ever month or so.

    I am praying and hoping that you are granted your get out of the flair card! 🙂

  3. yvonne says:

    Have you ever tried Cymbalta? I have multiple chronic conditions, don’t we all, and the Cymbalta was like a miracle for me; fewer flares, less intense flares, and the myofascial pain was calmed. The intense nerve pain also settled down to a manageable level.
    I’d still be on it but I am “special” and it caused my hair to fall out. I couldn’t find anyone else with this side effect till I discovered NY psychiatric professionals “shop talk” blog and they had a few patients with the same reaction, like .001% of patients or less. Just another experience, I don’t know if it helps anyone else or not.
    Be well!

    • Nancy says:

      Hi Yvonne,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a message here! I’m sorry to hear that you had to stop taking Cymbalta, because of ill side effects. Especially given that it was working so well for you 😦 That is how I’ve been with most of the medications I’ve tried. I have a very low tolerance to medications. I haven’t tried Cymbalta because of the long list of side effects, and especially the rare ones….I seriously have the worst luck with meds. I have two young children, and have concerns about the possibilities of experiencing seizures or whatever else could happen with me on Cymbalta. After the last couple of years, and all the scares I’ve had with various side effects, I approach any medication with extreme caution 😉

      I’m so glad for people who are able to take one of the 3 (in the US, 2 in Canada) meds that are FDA approved for Fibro, or that can tolerate their pain meds well, for that matter 😉

      Thanks again for posting this Yvonne, as I believe that the more information we can share about our experiences, the more we can help each other 🙂

      Hope you have an awesome Sunday & I look forward to chatting with you again!

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