Clutter, messes, disorganization, and just chaos in general, stresses me out and drives me crazy.
Before chronic illness became a part of my everyday life, everything had it’s place, I was organized and on top of everything that needed to be done. I liked it that way! Our home operated in an efficient manner, which made everything less stressful.
How chronic illness has changed that! Despite investing what little energy I have to accomplish what was once just second nature, I feel that I can’t even make a dent in what needs to be done. It all becomes very overwhelming, when I look around and feel that I’m trying to survive in a chaotic environment.
My husband does an awful lot at home for me, and if it wasn’t for him stepping up and taking over everything that I’m unable to accomplish, we’d be in serious quicksand. That being said, he also has alot of responsibilities that come with his job, and is tired at the end of the day. There are only so many hours in the day, and the guy needs some down time too! He works very hard, to keep us afloat financially, and will likely be returning to his second job soon, for a bit of much needed supplemental income. It can’t help but frustrate me, that he wouldn’t have to pick the second job back up, if he was being paid a competitive wage in his management position. The benefits are great, and especially with my medical expenses, that is the major incentive for him not to move to another company.
I hate that I haven’t been able to work for the last 2 years. I’ve always worked hard and been able to supplements our family’s income, and took great pride in being a working Mom, who was also able to be at home with my children. It has been a difficult situation to accept, that I am no longer able to contribute to our family financially.
These past couple of years have been an adjustment in more ways that I can begin to count, and especially in the last couple of weeks, I feel like I am being sucked back into really missing my old life. Obviously, I’ve missed it all along, but most of the time, I can push it to the back of my mind, and do what needs to be done. I try not to think about how my being ill has derailed us from the plans we originally had for a bright future, and forced us to find ways to adapt to the road we now walk. For some reason, I’m having an extremely difficult time pushing any of it out of my mind lately. I want to go back to work so much, and be a functioning part of society, and do the things I’m good at doing! I’m not good at being a chronic pain patient! I’m tired of my health holding me back from doing the things I want to do, and emotionally, I feel like I have taken two steps back in accepting and overcoming it.
So, my dear readers, this post was originally intended to talk about getting organized and what needs to happen to prepared for “back to school”, but it seems that I had other things I needed to get off my chest 😉 LOL
I appreciate each and every one of you who visits me at Chronic Connection, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time and energy to read and comment 🙂
Sending you all a ton of (((gentle hugs)))!